• The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
• I ordered a burger at McDonald’s, and the kid behind the counter asked, “Can you afford fries with that?”
• CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.
• If the bank returns your check marked “Insufficient Funds,” you have to call them and ask if they mean you or them .
• Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
• McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ‘ouncer’.
• Parents in Beverly Hills and Malibu are firing their nannies and learning their children’s names.
• A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
• Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.
• Motel Six won’t leave the light on anymore.
• The Mafia is laying off judges.
• BP Oil laid off 25 Congressmen.
• Congress says they are looking into the Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

And, finally…

• I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, and our bleak future, that I called the Suicide Lifeline and was connected to a call center in Pakistan. When I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.